Someday We’ll Go All The Way

 

It’s been a while since I have written a blog and that’s mainly because I felt I had nothing to say or share. When I was writing blogs regularly my inspiration came from various sources and most of the time out of the blue but I always felt it was in relation to something that was happening in my life or others around me. This blog is no exception but the seeds of this blog were born about a year ago when I visited Chicago while on holiday in America. When visiting Chicago I found that the city has a great passion for sports and their sports teams and in particular their baseballs team the Chicago Cubs. Now I’ve never seen a baseball game nor have I ever understood the game it’s self but I found it curious on my visit why a team and its history grabbed my attention, imagination and never seemed to let it go. Now without boring you about the long history of The Cubs but when I was there The Cubs were competing to play in the World Series an achievement they hadn’t won since 1908 and to cut a very long story short this year again like so many in the past wasn’t to be their year. What I found though by talking to fans was their unrivalled passion to their team and almost the utter conviction in their own lack of self belief that their team in their lifetime would always be the nearly men, the lovable losers, the this time next year team. There was plenty talk of curses and reasons why this was the case but no less passionate of their team. Now fast forward to this year in fact only last week when the above mentioned this time next year team just happened to reach their pinnacle of achievement when their next year became today. Yes The Cubs actually went on and won the World Series washing away all the years of hurt, disappointment and curses. I have always found it interesting in how sport can mirror in so many ways life. No matter what your sport is or what team you happen to follow its always seems to be personal when your team loses and confounds in you all the bad or wrong things in your life, a lousy job, a bad relationship, a friendship that doesn’t work, a political stance you don’t agree with all of these become so much more worse when your team loses and is taken deeply personal because they let you down, not themselves but you. This got me thinking of my own life and especially over the past 5 years which had seen so much change. We all know life can get you down and when it gets us down we automatically look for someone or something to blame, I like most of us was no different and carried that chip on my shoulder that my life wasn’t what I wanted it to be and hadn’t been for such a long time I thought I wasn’t deserved of nice things in my life and that I like The Cubs would go through life as a spectator to others happiness and achievements rather than being able to celebrate my own. After a while feeling like that puts a drain on your ambition and then hurts your pride and when your pride is hurt it can drown you, deflate you and make it difficult to see any light or hope of a life you see that others have. Pride is like that we far too often let pride get in the way of achievement and it makes us stubborn to a reality that is only a step away. Most of us give up on our hopes and dreams just at the moment were about to make a break through because the thought of starting over again or the feeling of its never going to happen over powers our will and determination to succeed. So how did The Cubs over come these feelings, well its really pretty simple to be honest its because they never gave up they just kept going and believed that someday they would go all the way. Now being able to reflect back on the past 5 years of my life and to be honest even longer that’s what I did I never gave up. Now don’t get me wrong it wasn’t easy there were many many times I wanted to but in reality I never gave up. In turn this has given me the life I have always wanted, a great job, a great loving relationship with my girlfriend, I have great friends and huge family support which combines gives me a good life and a life I want. Ok that might not sound a great life to others or maybe it does but importantly its my life and not a replication of someone else’s life and that’s the point I’m trying to make, too much time is spent in life trying to be something were are not in the hope it will bring us Nirvana when in actual fact all it does is take our focus away from being the people we are. Its different for everyone because everyone’s goals in life are different so it has to be important to strive towards what you want and not a belief of if I had what they have my life would be better. If you want to change then you have to want it you cant just think you want it you have to go out there and actually want it. Now I can sit here and write loads of inspirational quotes for you to read but if you read them but don’t believe them then you are doing yourself a disservice. Like most people I have had bad times in my life and its not important to compare bad times on a scale to people because if its bad for you then its bad, a person who is perceived to be having a harder time than you doesn’t make your problems disappear and its important to remember this because you cant just lock away your fears because society is telling you there is nothing wrong because others have it worse. Try to remember when you make change in your life that you have made the change for a reason and as most people view your life from afar just remember what you validated to your self up close, your life may well in fact be just another life but its also who you are and you’re the one that lives it. So what am I trying to convey in this blog, I think its pretty simple and how The Cubs inspired never to stop trying then neither should we and if we do that then your next year will come today and hope like the title of the blog suggests Someday We’ll Go All The Way.

How To Ruin Your Life

Firstly I wanted to say that this isn’t my blog but its something I wanted to share as it explains a lot about life and how it all seems and I honestly couldn’t have written anything better.Hats off to Bianca Sparacino for writing such a great piece.

Understand that life is not a straight line. Life is not a set timeline of milestones. It is okay if you don’t finish school, get married, find a job that supports you, have a family, make money, and live comfortably all by this age, or that age. It’s okay if you do, as long as you understand that if you’re not married by 25, or a Vice President by 30 — or even happy, for that matter — the world isn’t going to condemn you. You are allowed to backtrack. You are allowed to figure out what inspires you. You are allowed time, and I think we often forget that. We choose a program right out of high school because the proper thing to do is to go straight to University. We choose a job right out of University, even if we didn’t love our program, because we just invested time into it. We go to that job every morning because we feel the need to support ourselves abundantly. We take the next step, and the next step, and the next step, thinking that we are fulfilling some checklist for life, and one day we wake up depressed. We wake up stressed out. We feel pressured and don’t know why. That is how you ruin your life.

You ruin your life by choosing the wrong person. What is it with our need to fast-track relationships? Why are we so enamored with the idea of first becoming somebody’s rather than somebodies? Trust me when I say that a love bred out of convenience, a love that blossoms from the need to sleep beside someone, a love that caters to our need for attention rather than passion, is a love that will not inspire you at 6am when you roll over and embrace it. Strive to discover foundational love, the kind of relationship that motivates you to be a better man or woman, the kind of intimacy that is rare rather than right there. “But I don’t want to be alone,” we often exclaim. Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself. Wait for it. Please, I urge you to wait for it, to fight for it, to make an effort for it if you have already found it, because it is the most beautiful thing your heart will experience.

You ruin your life by letting your past govern it. It is common for certain things in life to happen to you. There will be heartbreak, confusion, days where you feel like you aren’t special or purposeful. There are moments that will stay with you, words that will stick. You cannot let these define you – they were simply moments, they were simply words. If you allow for every negative event in your life to outline how you view yourself, you will view the world around you negatively. You will miss out on opportunities because you didn’t get that promotion five years ago, convincing yourself that you were stupid. You will miss out on affection because you assumed your past love left you because you weren’t good enough, and now you don’t believe the man or the woman who urges you to believe you are. This is a cyclic, self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your future with that lens, and nothing will be able to breach that judgment. You will keep on justifying, reliving, and fueling a perception that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.

You ruin your life when you compare yourself to others. The amount of Instagram followers you have does not decrease or increase your value. The amount of money in your bank account will not influence your compassion, your intelligence, or your happiness. The person who has two times more possessions than you does not have double the bliss, or double the merit. We get caught up in what our friends are liking, who our significant others are following, and at the end of the day this not only ruins our lives, but it also ruins us. It creates within us this need to feel important, and in many cases we often put others down to achieve that.

You ruin your life by desensitizing yourself. We are all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us. Caring is not synonymous with crazy. Expressing to someone how special they are to you will make you vulnerable. There is no denying that. However, that is nothing to be ashamed of. There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occur when you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that girl know that she inspires you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express, express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world, and be bold in who, and how, you love. There is courage in that.

You ruin your life by tolerating it. At the end of the day you should be excited to be alive. When you settle for anything less than what you innately desire, you destroy the possibility that lives inside of you, and in that way you cheat both yourself and the world of your potential. The next Michelangelo could be sitting behind a Macbook right now writing an invoice for paperclips, because it pays the bills, or because it is comfortable, or because he can tolerate it. Do not let this happen to you. Do not ruin your life this way. Life and work, and life and love, are not irrespective of each other. They are intrinsically linked. We have to strive to do extraordinary work, we have to strive to find extraordinary love. Only then will we tap into an extraordinarily blissful life.

2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here's an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,600 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 27 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Reality Has A Postcode

Well its been a long time since I sat down and wrote a blog so I thought I would try and right somewhat of a reflective blog since a lot has happened in my life this year and especialy over the last few months.So im going to be reflective but also share some prespective ive gained on how I view my life and even share in some of the things I think differently about.
So where to begin.
Well as most people who read my blogs will know I have been on this kind of journey to find myself and what to do with my life once I found who I was and what I wanted to do about it.The journey to finding myself was completed this year well most of it was because it was this year a lot of major changes in my life took place and when I found true self actualisation.Im not going to bore you all with Why and Hows of it again but rather update on where it has taken me proffesionaly and personaly.So starting with my new job which actualy sounds a little weird for me to say that because I don’t feel like I have an actual job.Now yes I do realise that I have a job but I don’t treat it as such because im doing something I have a real passion for and that I love.So its now just became a part of my life and its something that I do as part of it.I never go to work and think “oh god here we go again” because the nature of my work makes sure that it isn’t like that.I always wanted to have something like that where I would have no 2 days ever the same and boy oh boy that’s exactly what I have now.I have a tremendous responsibility with my life now because ive been invited into many other peoples life as way of support and guidance and im fortunate enough to perhaps shape there futures and hopefully help people on there way to fulfilling something they once never thought remotely possible.So you can see a great responsibility indeed,i must however point out I don’t do this alone im also fortunate to be part of team who along with me do the same role but also its like a team within a team as there is always someone or something there helping you out or helping you learn which in turn makes me strive towards making myself better.Im not going to go into any detail about what I do but for me to be able to say that every single day I will learn many things about people and life and how society is,also to be able to reflect and have massive prespective on life is huge for me.The many things ive learned just from what I do for a living cannot be payed for it can only be learned and only learned with a clear and open mind.Im truly greatfull that I get to these things as part of my life.
So as for things from my past or should I say thoughts from the past theres has been a few things that I now think differently about,you know those little things that bug the shit out of you cause you cant realy pin down a reason for why they bug you.Mines are kind of silly to most but for whatever reason they wernt to me.It started during the year during 1 of my many thinking session I would have with myself about my life now compaired to back then.I looked at my life,what I had done with it,what I had achieved and looked at other of similar age to me and don’t the utterly stupid thing of compairing my life to theres.So it took in account all the things I loath about society and how we are looked or sometimes judged on by our peers even if they don’t admit it.These were mainly focused on materiel things such as where I lived,how much money I made,what kind of car I drive,the clothes I wear,where I go on my holiday all that sort of utter garbage.I have to admit that I got so caught up in it I actualy started finding myself embaressed due to all the lack of materiel things in my life and then even wondered if because of the lack of all these things people looked at me in a different way thinking I was less of a person,so yeah I felt I was being judged by others.The truth of the matter was I was judging myself for not having all these things on my life and failed to realise all the things I already had in my life.Once I got back into that thought process everything else fell into place.I don’t care about the materiel things in life I truly don’t,are they nice to have yeah ofcourse they are but do the realy make you the person you are, well in short NO they don’t.It more about the people you have in your life and not the ones who arnt in your life or chose not to be in your life for there own reasons.Every person you meet has something special to give you—that is, if you are open to receiving it.

Each encounter offers you the gift of greater self-awareness by illustrating what you do and don’t accept about yourself. An honest look will show you that the reactions you have to others give you more information about yourself than about them.You can never know for sure what motivates other people. But you can learn what you are accepting or judging in yourself.For instance, if someone makes a remark about you and it’s something you also judge in yourself, it will most likely hurt. However if they make the same remark and you don’t have that judgment about yourself, it probably won’t bother you at all.We all judge others on some sort of level pretty much everyday,there are many reasons why but mainly just a few will resinate with all of us such as envy and behaviour,i know for sure ive done that in the past but the fact I know that about myself is more powerfull and allows me the chance of looking at my life and others lifes in a differnet way.When you explore beliefs and assumptions instead of judging people, you open a door to expanded self-awareness and self-acceptance.Rather than unconsciously delighting in the gratification of judging others, you let your reactions and judgments help you achieve greater self-understanding—and accordingly, greater happiness and success.It doesn’t matter how you choose to live your life — whether you build a business or work a corporate job; have children or choose not to have children; travel the world or live in the same town all of your life; go to the gym 5 times a week or sit on the couch every night — whatever you do, someone will judge you for it.

For one reason or another, someone will find a reason to project their insecurities, their negativity, and their fears onto you and your life, and you’ll have to deal with it.Needless to say im now back on point with that part of my life and it feels good because when it all boils down to it WHY WORRY.
So life is good and looking forward is again a great prospect to me,i cant wait to do new things and experience more of what my new life will throw at me but im always midfull of the present and what is most important in my life right now which I touched on in a previous blog Searching For Superman I know I cant be all things to all people but I can be there for them if and when they need me and along the way I can learn from them.I truly do like helping others regardless of wether or not they are friends,work collegues or family aslong I stay true to myself and belive in the moral code I have set out for myself then it will all work out how its supposed to.If you read my blogs you will notice I refer to myslelf in the third person a lot and that was mainly because I always thought I am the person I am today because of the person who I was a few short years ago and it was that person who I had to teach and help along the way to make the person I am now better.After again much thought ive realised there isn’t 2 people in me but rather this group of misfits that all come together to make me who I am,i don’t why they all come together and why it seems to work all I know is that it sure as hell works and that’s my true Reality
So onwards and upwards with life,love and learning and will always try my best at everything I do and approach it with something I heard the late great Seve said “Touch of Class Baby Touch of Class”

Things I Lost In The Fire

Its been a while since I wrote a blog about anything and to be honest the reason I havnt is because I didn’t think I had anything relivant to write about.Then last night I was thinking about the past year purley and simply because it was a year ago since I was Best Man at my friends wedding.So that got me thinking to the year that’s just past and all the things that has happened to me and how it has affected me and the people who have been in my life and the people who are no longer in my life.

It realy got me thinking of who I have become and the things I got rid of wether it was things,people ,thoughts or attidudes.Now when I say “get rid of” that sounds a little cut throat and to be honest the more I think about it the way it has been has been pretty cut throat.There were things I just had to discard from my old life to be able to make my new life as it is now the life I wanted to live.There have been a few people I have cut out of my life for reasons mainly known only to me simply because its too hard to try and explain to them the reason behind it and for the most part they probably havnt even noticed it.it sound harsh I know but sometimes you have to make an inward choice to make sure you keep on an even keel in your life.I know my thought process is deeply complex when doing that and I have to make sure its for my greater good when I do this also there is still a thought of its better for them if im not in there life aswell and again its extrmley complex for me to explain this cause only I know how my brain works.It preety much comes down to two choices and its a choice beteween FEAR and LOVE

The eyes of FEAR want you to put bigger restrictions on your life, lock your emotions away and close yourself off.

The eyes of love instead see all of us as one and embrace change and challenge and accept the different people in our lifes.

Ive tried so hard this past year to see things through the eyes of love and embrace the change in my life.I think ive done well with this,a new carear,a new positive out look on life and even a new body (which im still working on by the way).

I think from a prespective point of view ive done a lot of good things that will have positive affects on the long term but it doesn’t stop the old me from chipping in with negative thoughts and destructive ideas such as looking at people,life,things,places in a bad way,all the stuff I used to be like,so it still lives inside me but has little control to the point where it never wins over the new me but will still affect my thought process in who and what come in and out of my life.

Since starting my new carear my thought process towards all of this has changed and it changes daily simply because I learn something new every day about life and I always see how it would impact mines either in a positive or negative way.

Mainly ive tried to take out the drama in my life,things like when I want to change something I try and not let it impact others around me,sounds simple but so hard when its my mind making the choice and because it would normaly be me that attracted the drama to my life.

Drama usually comes from my reaction to other people’s actions. I stop to think: Does this really matter in the long run, or am I just trying to be right?

I minimize drama within myself. When I’m focused and calm, so is the world around me.

That’s the easiest way for me to explain my thought process when it comes to my choices.

Having said all that there are loads of things I cut out of my life that have made such a positive change to me so I am glad I lost that part of me in my inner fire.

A year is along time in a persons life and its good to reflect on the past but not for too long because you end up wishing for things you cant change or do anything about just like everyone else on this planet,we are consumed byall the things out of our control and it drives us insane.

Im realy trying not to come off as an asshole in this blog but in a weird way trying to find the lessons ive learned from myself in the past year.Im sure opinions will differ and that’s fine because that’s what life should be like.

So what have I learned about me and the people and things around me this pat year.

Always swallow your pride to say you’re sorry. Being too proud to apologize is never worth it — your relationships suffers for no good benefit.

Try working without fear for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without fear. And you don’t have to manage fear, cutting out on some of the bureaucracy of your life. You’re less stressed without fear, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without it.

The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment.

You can’t motivate people. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions.

You will miss a ton, but that’s OK. We’re so caught up in trying to do everything, experience all the essential things, not miss out on anything important … that we forget the simple fact that we cannot experience everything. That physical reality dictates we’ll miss most things. We can’t read all the good books, watch all the good films, go to all the best cities in the world, try all the best restaurants, meet all the great people. But the secret is: life is better when we don’t try to do everything. Learn to enjoy the slice of life you experience, and life turns out to be wonderful.

Mistakes are the best way to learn. Don’t be afraid to make them. Try not to repeat the same ones too often.

Failures are the stepping stones to success. Without failure, we’ll never learn how to succeed. So try to fail, instead of trying to avoid failure through fear.

Fitness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long process, a learning process, something that happens in little bits over a long period. I’ve been getting fit for the last f year now, and I still have more to learn and do. But the progress I’ve made has been amazing, and it’s been a great journey.

Giving is so much better than getting. Give with no expectation of getting something in return, and it becomes a purer, more beautiful act. Too often we give something and expect to get an equal measure in return — at least get some gratitude or recognition for our efforts. Try to let go of that need, and just give.

Get some perspective. Usually when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. In the larger picture, this one problem means almost nothing. This fight we’re having with someone else — it’s over something that matters naught. Let it go, and move on.

Learn the art of empathy. Too often we judge people on too little information. We must try to understand what they do instead, put ourselves in their shoes, start with the assumption that what others do has a good reason if we understand what they’re going through. Life becomes much better if you learn this art.

No one knows what they’re doing as parents. We’re all faking it, and hoping we’re getting it right. Some people obsess about the details, and miss out on the fun. I just try not to mess my son up too much, to show him he is loved, to enjoy the moments I can with him, to show him life is fun, and stay out of the way of him becoming the amazing person he is going to become.

Fear will try to stop you. Doubts will try to stop you. You’ll shy away from doing great things, from going on new adventures, from creating something new and putting it out in the world, because of self-doubt and fear. It will happen in the recesses of your mind, where you don’t even know it’s happening. Become aware of these doubts and fears. Shine some light on them. Beat them with a thousand tiny cuts. Do it anyway, because they are wrong.

I have a lot left to learn. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I know almost nothing, and that I’m often wrong about what I think I know. Life has many lessons left to teach me, and I’m looking forward to them all.

Now that feels better ive got that off my chest,i say that while laughing at myself honestly.

As always thanks for reading and stay classy

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Well its been almost 2 months since my life gained a new direction.Not only from the point of starting a new job and a new chapter in my life but in taking on such a change its also from the point of who I am becoming as a person,within myself and towards others who are in my life.My new job has realy opened my eyes to a world I never new was out there.Now I realy realy love my new job but it has thrown up a lot of moral questions to me,about how we as a society treats and views us the so called “normal people” and others who are some what less fortunate than us in either financial,health,family or proffesionel way.Becasue of the nature of my work which is working in Mental Health and dealing with everyday issues that arisies with a persons own Mental Health and how it is viewed by many there have been many a moment in my short time in this line of work where the question WHY has been raised and also the question HOW.Now I cant realy go into too much detail for reasons of confidentiality but what I have saw so far is has shocked and stunned me on how society can simply forget or pass over the people that have been caught in the Mental Health net.This blog realy isn’t about that but its important to me to state the origin of the blog which is basically what ive stated in the above paragraph.Over these to incredible 2 months ive spent learning,working and discovering my new role in my job it suddenly struck me that a lot of people much like me when I was was at a low point in life are all just waiting on one simple thing,that one thing that could change everything for them,and its simple cause we all or most of us have either experienced this simple thing or infact are actualy at this very moment hoping this simple thing rears its head in our direction.So what is this simple thing,well its this all we want or what we need in life  is a CHANCE.

Cast your minds back and think of how many times someone gave you a CHANCE,or even try and think if knowone ever gave you a CHANCE.Ok its fairly hard to think back I suppose but at some point in all our lifes we have had that and in most its been more than once.But like I say imagine if you felt the whole world was just never going to give you that CHANCE and looking for it and hoping for it was never going to happen,how do you think your life would feel and how would you feel towards life.I know when and where my chances came from and how I grabbed them with both hands and can honestly say ive never looked back so much so I keep looking for more chances not just for me but for others who havnt even been given a sniff of one in there lifes to show and help them understand that when a chance is given you can grab it and create what you always thought was impossible.

Once someone gets that initial CHANCE they can expierance many things and once we have we can find and taste freedom – emotional, relational and spiritual freedom – we should be always moving forward.

So what am I trying to say or achieve with this blog,well its fairly simple , even if you havnt like me experienced what I have over the past few months from what ive saw and learned about the life of others who are just waiting on that one simple CHANCE I realy don’t think you have to look far to see someone just waiting for you to give them or point them in the direction of that CHANCE,it doesn’t have to be something big because sometimes the tiniest of gestures create that CHANCE they have been craving.If you cant find someone to take a chance on then why don’t you try just like I did and take that CHANCE ON YOU.
Take a chance on others by giving them a hand.

The happiest and most successful people are always looking for ways to help others. The unhappiest and most unsuccessful people are still asking, “What’s in it for me?”

Ultimately, your greatest successes in life will not be measured by how high you have climbed, but by how many people you have helped up with you. This is how success leads to happiness. What goes around comes around. It’s impossible to not feel good when you are doing good for others.

Today, help those around you and celebrate their strengths. Lift them up and help them thrive. When you choose to see and support the best in others, you end up finding the best in yourself.

Take a chance on your dignity and self-worth.
Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to fight for what you deserve. Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you ever were before. Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision again. Don’t settle.

Keep up your dignity and always be true to yourself. Truly loving yourself involves faith and trust and belief in who you are, and a willingness to act upon it. So stop daydreaming and start DOING. Develop a backbone, not a wishbone. Take full responsibility for your life – take control. You are important and you are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now, and the somebody the world needs is YOU.

Take a chance on imperfection.
If you always look for perfection, you’ll always look unhappy. When you stop expecting people and situations to be perfect, you can start to appreciate them for who and what they are. Imperfections are important, and so are mistakes. We get to be good by learning from our mistakes and we get to be real by being imperfect.

Today, be tolerant of people’s mistakes. Sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn’t mean they’re bad; it simply means they’re human.

Likewise, learn to walk in your own shoes imperfectly. If you want to truly grow into your best self, let go of the notion of perfection and replace it with the notion of endless playful exploration. It is better to live your own destiny honestly, joyfully and imperfectly, than to live up to one of society’s contrived expectations with perfection.
Take a chance on your heart and intuition.
Happiness comes more easily when you feel good about yourself without feeling the need for anyone else’s approval. As long as you are worried about what others think of you, in a way, you are owned by them. Only when you require no approval can you truly own yourself.

Listen to your soul. Trust your intuition; it will rarely lead you astray. If it doesn’t feel right in your gut, then it probably isn’t. So stop worrying about what you’re supposed to do
No matter how you live, someone will be disappointed. Just live your truth and be sure YOU aren’t the one who is disappointed in the end.
Take a chance on doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.
Most of the good things you do will go unnoticed by others. Do them anyway, because you will notice. Many of the contributions you make will not be fully realized by others. Make them anyway, because you realize they are the right things to do.

It’s great when you receive recognition for the things you do, yet even when there is no possibility of recognition, YOU still recognize the reasons you are putting forth the effort. Your honest, authentic view of yourself influences all that you do. And that view is formed mainly during times when no one is watching. Your life is a living expression of who you know yourself to be, regardless of what others think or see.

Take a second chance whenever possible.
We all need second chances. This isn’t a perfect world. We’re not perfect people. I’m probably on my 1,000th second chance right now and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Because even though I’ve failed a lot, it means I’ve tried a lot too.

Most of the time the only difference between winning and losing is not quitting. We rarely get things right the first time. Almost every major accomplishment in a person’s life starts with the decision to try again and again – to get up after every failed attempt and give it another shot.

Live, learn, and let go. Don’t hold yourself down with the things you can’t control. Don’t carry your mistakes around with you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones. If you take another step, and another, you’ll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point you thought was the end. Just because something doesn’t go as planned, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while. Sometimes you have to fail forward, by learning what doesn’t work to discover what does.
So there you go,maybe some food for thought for some but bear in mind that my own mind is a very complex place to be at times,but if I can some it all up it would be to say this.

Life is a journey that’s only traveled once; don’t waste it. Today’s moments quickly become tomorrow’s memories. Appreciate today for what it is and make your time count. Make it memorable. Don’t let your coulda’s and shoulda’s of yesterday determine your can’s and will’s of today. Live your life so that you never have to regret the chances you never took, the love you never let in, and the gifts you never gave out.

An Inconvenient Truth

 

 

Ok so here goes with this blog.Its a subject I find hard to talk about not because of the subject matter but because I find it so hard to express when asked about.In the past year or so you will know if you read my blogs ive made great strides in my life both profesionaly and personely.Ive managed to sort my head out in both ways and gained so much drive and focus of who I am and where I want to be in life.The Bully in my head that ruled for so long has been banished for the most part butthere is one small area in my life that he still has the majority of control over although ive been working on loosening his grip and I have to say also made good strides to rid myself of his thoughts.Yes its the subject of Love and Relationships.Did I just here a big gasp.

Most of my adult life was defined by my relationships,wether they were good or bad but as always in life the bad relationships left an indelible mark on me,a mark that so far I havnt been able to shift.Over the past year I have often thought about how I would react in a relationship with someone or how much I would let my guard down and let them in or even how much would be defined by  “Him”.Its a constint battle I have where yes id love to be able to share my day and time with especialy when ive had a long day,it would be great to know that  I could go home to someone and can relax with them and just basically talk to.To have that person in my life that when I look down at my phone and see a text my face lights up with a smile.Ok ive kind of had that over the past year but its never realy worked out for me.Its been a case of yeah all is good all is great then out of knowhere WALLOP and I seem to end up going from HERO to ZERO with little or even no explination to why.Now me being me I think there should be an answer to everything in life.Sometimes that’s not the case but from “His” point of view that’s when he gets to come out and play.Telling me or trying to convince me that “see I told you that knobody would stick around with you too long” or “I told you that you weren’t good enough” or “you will never last with someone cause you don’t have enough to offer” or “what do you expect,you don’t have loads of money theres no way they will go with you.The list is endless,so after a while it does convince me of all these things.Now don’t get me wrong im not desperate to have someone in my life as the saying goes “If you are looking for someone to enhance your life then just look in the mirror”.Well I totally agree with all that and I went out and done that but now I realy do feel that there is something missing in my life and would love to find “that someone”.So to run the battle of what I think it should be like and compare it to what my brain is telling me is realy realy confusing me.

Now what is the definition of that special someone in your life,where do we get our ideas of what it should be like and how do we go about getting it all.OK, I grew up hearing about the idea of “finding a soulmate.”  Or finding that ONE TRUE LOVE that was meant to be with me.  I grew up believing that it would just “happen”…I would just know it when I met the woman I was supposed to be with…and that there was a woman out there that was just meant for me.  I thought of it like this person would make me feel whole – like two halves coming together to complete each other, if we had similar tastes in music or the like, if we just “got” each other (whatever that means), if we had a chemistry through the roof and “love” and longing that felt like magic. I believed that couples who seemed to have happy relationships and marriages MUST be soulmates.  I now couldn’t feel further from all of these ideas!!!

 Here is what I think now:

This is an extremely immature view of what real love and true happiness is all about.  This sounds like some Hollywood (or high school) depiction of love. This view of soulmates encourages the fantasy of a person FULFILLING another person .This view discourages men/women from feeling whole on their own, and instead makes them believe wholeness, security and even worth and value to society will begin WHEN you find your soulmate and get married.   This view leads to single people spending loads and loads of time (& energy! & tears!) trying to FIND someone, as they feel like less of a person without a mate.  This view of love and soulmates undoubtedly leads to one heck of a roller coaster ride in a relationship with lots of ups and downs (and doubts & fears) as partners go in and out of meeting these “soulmate” expectations of providing each other with wholeness and worth.   Happy marriages are not happy because two people “found” their soulmates.  Similar tastes in anything are NOT enough to have a happy marriage.  Chemistry and romantic “love” for each other are extremely important, but they not enough to have a lasting, happy marriage.In other words, don’t spend the greatest portion of your time and energy trying to FIND a soul mate and hoping, hoping, hoping that love will just “happen” or cross paths with you somehow.  Instead, spend the greatest portion of your energy developing your own character independently (whether you are single or married) and first BECOME the kind of person that could even be capable of being a good partner at all!! .To be someone that would appear like a soulmate (happy, full of love, tenderness, understanding, wholeness, oneness,It takes one to know one.  By developing this character in yourself (& living it and breathing it) – you will be sharp at recognizing this character in others.  AND!  You’ll also have the self worth needed (which you’ll need in the biggest way!) to walk away from partners who do NOT have this kind of life.  (And you know we’ve all been there and have been unable to walk away from a relationship when we should have… ENOUGH of that crap!!!!) Happiness and wholeness makes you RADIANT and ATTRACTIVE to the kinds of partners you would want to attract anyway. 

Ok so there go there my thoughts,well atleast some of them but im not saying im right in them.When I decided to change my life I never realy had a plan about relationships or finding love in my life.

They say in life The Truth will eventualy find you.For me I feel like the moment of Truth is looming. Its only a matter of time before my Bell will ring to be answered and the fire that’s been stoaked over the past while will ignight with a hellish flurry.At first glance I have nothing in common with most people,im sometimes brash but not realy gifted but also with a quiet confidence but I do know that at its essence Love like Learning is a simple task with its routines and rythms that are steadfast and universal.

Live alongside those who know you best.

Learn from those who you trust the most.

Respect the wisdom of those who have been there before.

And embrace the promise of those like me who are just on there way.

Most of all slowly but firmly sharpen my focus on my life that lies ahead.Punish and Attack my Life more than it wants to Punish and Attack me.So after all the suffering and sacrifices ive made and been through just before the moment that my Bell will ring to be answered I know I will have more in common with most people around me.When that moment happens I will know that The Truth has found me.